


Let's Just Breathe

by paperandmarble



Series: The Nightsister and The Jedi [1]
Category: Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order (Video Game)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Love, No admissions to love, Romance, not yet, they don't deal with anything after the game, what about cere? huh?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:15:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22334029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperandmarble/pseuds/paperandmarble
Summary: After their face-off on Nur, the crew of the Mantis settle on Bogano to take a breath, to morn and to heal
Relationships: Cal Kestis & Merrin, Cal Kestis/Merrin, Cere Junda & Cal Kestis, Greez Dritus & Cal Kestis
Series: The Nightsister and The Jedi [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1607623
Comments: 5
Kudos: 85





	Let's Just Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> Okay there isn't enough fics fro Merrin and Cal and I am going to change that!

Merrin looked at Cere out of the corner of her eye, watching as she ran her fingers over the broken pieces of the Holocron. Merrin knew little about Cere and her past, only what Cal had told her- she has a lot of pain and is lost like the rest of them. Merrin hadn’t noticed her pain at first. She had always been so restrained, so cut off. But now… Merrin could feel it flow from her as if a dam had burst inside her. Merrin wanted to reach back and calm her, but how would she? It had been so easy with Cal. He had opened himself so willingly for her that she couldn’t help but return. Cere didn’t seem willing, just too tired to hold together. Greez was up in the cockpit with BD-1 who beeped at him constantly, demanding his attention. Greez, however, was too stressed to answer. The Mantis took a substantial amount of damage when they escaped Nur, but Greez had assured them that it was safe enough. They had decided on Bogano on their destination as it was peaceful, secluded and most importantly, away from the Empire.  
She wished Cal would join them in the common area, but Merrin wasn’t selfish enough to disrupt his meditation. He had told her that it was a crucial part of his healing and Merrin had then physically pushed him to the ground, telling him to pick up his pace and get started. Cal had laughed at her insistence before doing as he was told. Her mouth twitched upward at the memory. 

“We’re about to land!” Greez called from the cockpit. Cere wordlessly got up from the couch, taking the pieces with her, never looking at Merrin or anything else for that matter- her eyes were blank. Sighing softly, Merrin straightened her robes, it seems she would be the one to get Cal for landing. He was on his knees in the engine room, his features relaxed in a way that she hadn’t seen before. Unsure how to proceed, Merrin hesitated before reaching for his shoulder. 

“Do I need to go to the cockpit?” Merrin immediately retracted her arm. Cal looked up at her, a small smile dancing across his lips. 

Merrin couldn’t help but smile back. “Yes, we are about to exit hyperspace. How was your meditation?” 

She gave him a hand to get up before he followed her to the cockpit. “I couldn’t stop thinking.” Merrin frowned a little. Cal needed to heal. Her concerns were quickly whisked away when he bumped her shoulder playfully. “You should try mediation. I feel like you would like it.”

“Why? Do you think I need to relax?” 

Cal frowned. “No- I didn’t mean,” Merrin cut him off with a little laugh. 

“I’m kidding Cal! I know what you mean,” She returned the bump then. “You should teach me.”

“I will,” Cal said, a little red dusting his cheeks before he disappeared into the cockpit. 

Even with Greez’s assurance, the ship made a rough landing, jolting from side to side as it touched down. Greez let out a string of curses and BD-1 beeped in what Merrin thought was annoyance. Greez then shooed them out of The Mantis, all four arms waving wildly.

“Do you need any help Greez?” Cere asked, shaking her head at his antics. 

“No!” Greez went back up the ramp, stomping as he went. “Just- just sit there.”

The three of them sat on the grass, snickering at Greez’s mumbles. A comfortable silence fell between the three of them, and it was then Merrin could feast her eyes on the green planet. Merrin decided that she liked Bogano. It was so new and different than Dathomir. She hadn’t seen much green in her lifetime, so when she first saw Bogano, she immediately touched the grass, enjoying how it was both sharp but soft against her fingertips. Little furry creatures would jump around the ship, small eyes and tufts of fur poking out of burrows in the ground, just as curious of them as she was. It wasn’t until later did Merrin feel the power that flowed through every blade of grass that she touched. Its simplicity and willingness was something that she couldn’t understand. Dathomir had always been intricate and harsh. It demanded to be felt and used while Bogano simply asked instead. Merrin wondered if Cal and Cere felt it too. 

It was the next morning when Cere left. Greez had told them that she needed some space and to think about what happened on Nur. Cal had told Merrin the story about her padawan and Merrin couldn’t feel saddened. Each one of them had experienced so much death and loss, it was hard to comprehend. 

Cal must have noticed her concern. “She’s going to be fine, you know that, right? She just needs to heal and mourn.”

“I know. She seems strong.” Despite her words, Merrin still wasn’t convinced. How couldn’t she be doubtful about this all? It felt like she finally found a place of belonging- somewhere in the galaxy where she could start anew, but death seemed to follow them all.

“Let’s go do something,” Cal said with a smile that made her heart skip a beat. “You haven’t seen much of Bogano yet.”

“What about Greez?” 

“He won’t let us help anyway.” Merrin rolled her eyes at the thought. They both tried to convince him to take their assistance- she could help using her magick and Cal could use his scrapper skills but Greez had ushered them out of The Mantis again. “I know you like Bogano. I can tell.”

How could Merrin say no to Cal? He looked too excited. “Fine Jedi.”

A huge grin appeared on Cal’s face, and Merrin couldn’t help but smile back. The familiar beeps of BD-1 filled her ears as the little droid jumped onto Cal’s back of BD-1 filled her ears as the little droid jumped onto Cal’s back in excitement. Looks like BD-1 was joining them.

Merrin decided that Bogano wasn’t as peaceful as it seemed, but it was still beautiful. The white, dividing walls of the land stood tall against the water the flowed in between them. While every creature, both predators and prey seemed to bathe in the tall grasses and ponds intent with their lives in this foreign land. Cal seemed to be in his element here also. He would list off fact and quips as fast as BD-1 would beep them. He told her that Bogano was an ancient place of force and he too seemed to be at peace within it. Merrin couldn’t lie and say she wasn’t curious about the power that curled itself every rock. Although she wouldn’t say it, she was excited for Cal to teach her how to meditate.

“How is your wound?” Merrin had noticed him hugging it before when they had to kill one of the creatures. 

“It’s getting better,” Cal said, his fingers twiddling his poncho.   
Merrin chuckled. “Cal Kestis you are a bad liar.” Cal opened his mouth to answer but closed it. Merrin couldn’t help but smirk. “Is this where you’re going to teach me?”

Cal gathered himself. “Yeah.” A rock jutted out of the wall above some grass. Sheltered from sunlight and the creatures of Bogano, they sat, cross-legged facing each other. 

“Okay, so I want you to close your eyes.” Merrin screwed her eyes shut. The last thing they saw was the amused look of Cal.

“Now place your hands on the grass.”

“They feel sharp,” Merrin grinned, and she heard a little chucked from Cal.

“C’mon Merrin.” 

“Fine... sorry. I’ll concentrate now.”

“First breathe deeply. Focus on that and the feeling of the grass and then try to leave it all behind.” She counted each breath, making sure to swallow more oxygen than usual. It was then Merrin felt everything slow down. Her breathing felt deeper like it heaved through her entire body. The grass beneath her hand felt more alive than ever. She could sense each blade that brushed against her fingertip and something else. She pushed further, wanting to explore more.

A picture formed in her mind. A Bogling wounded. It’s horror to see its predator still in pursuit. It’s corpse upon the dirt. The picture morphed into something more, something that made Merrin’s stomach turn. The green turned to red dirt. The pursuer became a machine wielding swords that glowed with blue and green. The horror became her own, and she felt a cry escape her lips. 

Hands were on her shoulders then, but this time it wasn’t in the picture. It was real. With fear raced through her veins, her eyes flew open, seeing red. She scrambled away from the touch, back against a sandy wall. Please stop please chanted through her mind. 

“Merrin. Hey it’s okay-"

“Don’t touch me!” She cried. Her vision was clouded, but the hands retracted. Her breathing slowed then, and everything came clear. Cal crouched in front of her. He looked worried- more than worried. There was wetness on her cheeks, her shaking hands full of grass. She let out a heavy sigh.“Cal,” she said softly. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Cal moved closer to sit next to her. She was desperate to feel something that would centre her in this world, away from that nightmare. Cal seemed to notice her want. He wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close. “It’s okay,” he repeated. Her fingers curled into his stupid poncho. His warmth touched where the hurt and ache had settled with the promise to stay until they pained her no longer.

When the world finally slowed around her, she could see the droplets of water fall around the little cavern. It had started to rain. Merrin realized what she was doing, so she peeled herself away from Cal even if she didn’t want to. 

“I don’t think that I like mediation very much,” Merrin said with a laugh, somehow she found humour in it all. Bogano definitely wasn’t as peaceful it seemed. 

“That definitely wasn’t mediation. It was something else,” Cal said with a chuckle. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine,” Merrin said automatically. 

Cal stared at her for a while. Those green eyes of his were trying to figure her out. She noticed how his red hair had flopped forward to curl around his cheekbone. “Merrin, you are a bad liar.”

Heat rushed to her cheeks, but she ignored it, resting her head against the rock. “Do you think it’s always going to be like this?”

“What do you mean?”

She closed her eyes. “It all just… keeps following us. Wherever we go.”

Merrin felt a hand cover her own, opening her eyes she saw Cal’s hand resting over hers, a small gesture of comfort. She looked into his beautiful green eyes then. He understands. She felt that relief she did when she first opened up to Cal. 

A Nightsister sat underneath the cavern of white rocks and green grass, watching droplets of water fall from a cloudy sky with a Jedi’s hand wrapped around her own. It was an assurance- a promise that she wasn’t alone with her burdens and nightmares. Not anymore.


End file.
